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How Meditation Found Me

There I was, sitting on the floor of my 450 square foot studio apartment in Hollywood. Devastated. My bank account had been wiped out. I had no food for groceries and my car had just broken down. I was exhausted, searching for yet another job that was flexible enough to allow me to go audition. I felt victimized. I felt ashamed. I felt that life was unfair. And guess what it was. But little did I know that I had the power to shift things or at the least the way I reacted about them. However, my mindset had already been set and undoing years of conditioning was going to be one hell of a task.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Let me back track a little bit. I grow up in the third ward of New Orleans. I lived in a two bedroom duplex with my Dad, Nanaw (his mother), my Aunt Kerry and, Aunt Kim. We were, for lack of a better term….poor or po! I remember watching my Aunt Kerry steal groceries from the grocery store. My dad working three jobs as a busboy, dishwasher, and a late night drug dealer, and my Aunt Kim bartending in French Quarter. My Nanaw was a nurse. Life was indeed tough. There were many miracles and happy moments, but we held tight to the darkness more than we did the light. There was immense love but also immense suffering.

By time I had reached my 20’s, my already developed mindset had instilled in me that I was a victim and that life was a weapon used against me to keep me down. By time I moved to LA, I had a bit of an inkling that I could shift my perspective to make it as an actress in the Hollywood industry. I just didn’t have to clue as to really handle those dark moments, on my own and in a city far away from my family. So when I found myself, down and out sitting on the floor of my apartment, I didn’t understand what was happening. How could things like this happen to me? I’m a good person, right? A downside frown began to take a new home on my face. I wasn’t my light and happy self and I just didn’t know what to do and how to regain that person again.

Choosing To Make A Change

Throughout the next week, I started reaching out to friends. I called up Logan, my good friend who’s somewhat like a brother to me. We went to college together and I always admired how he ate healthy foods, took walks in nature, and listened to spiritual gurus and podcasts. Maybe some time with Logan would help take my mind off from wondering how the hell was I going to survive.

I remember sitting with Logan at his apartment while he served me non-acidic coffee with almond milk along with introducing me to goat cheese. I was lamenting over my woes and troubles of being broke and destitute and debating if I should quit acting and join the peace corp or just live in the woods. From the looks on Logan’s face, I was indeed a buzzkill to the warm Los Angeles weather of that day. But yet, Logan being the caring friend that he is, he looked at me and said, “Ce-Tone,” his nickname for me, “have you tried meditation?”

Immediately, I got a squirrely. Meditation, that’s not something that a black girl from the third ward of New Orleans does. Is he crazy? Although, the image of my Aunt Kim playing Buddist meditative music while she studied in our bedroom. I quickly blurted, “Yea I listen to stuff on Youtube.”

Logan interrupted and said, “No, not that, but sit down for 15 to 20 minutes and get quiet. Have you tried that? I think you need to.”

There is a way out of every box, a solution to every puzzle; it’s just a matter of finding it.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

A silence fell over me. Quiet my mind? Can you do that? Is that even possible?

With great care and love, Logan explained to me the importance of meditating and that it would be a great solve to the ways in which I viewed the challenges I had gone through. I suddenly visualized myself wearing a white lien mumu, holding beads, with smoke in the air, sitting in a trance. And I loved what I saw. I mean hey. I’ve always love incense, white lien is a commodity during the New Orleans’ summers. And it could make me feel better? I was sold!

“So, what do I do?” I asked Lo-G. He cautiously told me to look into Transcendental Meditation and then if I was interested, he would introduce me to his meditation teacher, Guru Betty. I then wondered, what in the world would I be getting myself into. But hey, it had to be better than what I was presently facing and so after hanging out with Lo-G, I sat in my car and looked up this Transcendental Meditation that Logan mentioned.

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Could someone survive inside a transporter buffer for 75 years? Fate. It protects fools, little children, and ships named “Enterprise.”

Did you come here for something in particular or just general Riker-bashing? And blowing into maximum warp speed, you appeared for an instant to be in two places at once. We have a saboteur aboard. We know you’re dealing in stolen ore. But I wanna talk about the assassination attempt on Lieutenant Worf. Could someone survive inside a transporter buffer for 75 years? Fate. It protects fools, little children, and ships named “Enterprise.”

There is a way out of every box, a solution to every puzzle; it’s just a matter of finding it.

JEAN-LUC PICARD

And blowing into maximum warp speed, you appeared for an instant to be in two places at once. We have a saboteur aboard. We know you’re dealing in stolen ore. But I wanna talk about the assassination attempt on Lieutenant Worf.

Could someone survive inside a transporter buffer for 75 years? Fate. It protects fools, little children, and ships named “Enterprise.”

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